Because it's standard.
This past year has been a lot shit and a bit good. I'm still alive and so is my child so obviously I'm doing something right. I feel blessed, that much is true.
I won't bore you with the shit that went down this year, go read my other (old) blog for that, plus... it's history. I don't want to dwell on all the bad stuff. As the New Year approaches I've been thinking about the things I'd like to achieve as I am hurtling towards 30 (yes, I'm still a baby, blah blah blah). Everything is magnified, every decision, every thought (although that could well be down to my exhausting anxiety that just keeps coming back and punching me in the face to remind me that it's there). I have some MAJOR life decisions to make (that's right, M A J O R) as well as changes and the usual crap we promise ourselves just before the clock strikes 1st January (gym, diet, etc).
Where am I going with this post? Er... ah! I read something someone shared on Facebook - 15 ways to be happier in 2015 and something stood out so hard, I didn't actually need to put my glasses on to read it (I have major 'scowl' lines as my husband calls them, I beg to differ... they are actually SQUINT lines mother fucker) and it went something like this:
8. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT LIVING OUT YOUR DREAM etc etc.
And I'm mighty good at that, making excuses. I'm lame, I have all the excuses. But especially good ones for not doing what I've always wanted to do. And at the start of a year I promise myself the same thing... Stop worrying about upsetting other people with the decisions you make, be more selfish, do what you want to do... all of that baloney. Except baloney it ain't because at the end of that year I kick myself for having made a hundred excuses for not doing what I said I wanted to do.
So, CHARLOTTE, just fucking do it (soz, Nike). Do that thing you've been droning on about for so long, just cut the crap and do it.
You too though, yeah?
The anxious little prick that sits on my left shoulder is telling me not to post this because I'll die in my sleep tonight or at least die before the start of the New Year. "But don't leave it in your drafts either because you'll die and someone will find it and it'll be such a waste". What a horrible little shit. A small peak inside my deranged mind right there - don't say I never treat you.