Thursday, February 19, 2015


It takes a lot to get me raging these days unless you're my husband and you are incapable of doing the fucking washing up, that leaves me ready to lose my shit big time. But yesterday I read something about being 'mumsy' that had me scoffing in disbelief. Apparently, if we read household product reviews that makes us 'mumsy', whatever that means.

Or ten when you read crap that sets you off...

As a mum, I thought being mumsy meant being a mum. Looking after your children, limiting the amount of time your head is up your own fucking backside. My underwear being 'extremely comfortable' doesn't make me mumsy. Who even wears uncomfortable underwear these days unless you're a stripper or a massive dickhead. Comfortable can equal sexy too. Having conversations about steam mops isn't mumsy either. So some of us take pride in a clean house, SO WHAT?

Mumsy is also not the same as being a bore. We take pride in our children, we like to talk about them. What's the point in having kids if we aren't allowed to talk about them? If you'd rather talk about the new hipster joint that's just opened down the road then fine, but that doesn't make you cool. Just like us talking about household appliances doesn't mean we are bores.

Since when was it ok to slag other mums off for things that take interest in? Knitting, crocheting... I've heard people get called grannyish for doing it. It's a fucking skill and one I wish I had! Some may not think it's cool but it's not mumsy. Popping to your local deli in Hackney isn't mumsy. It's also not cool, IT'S A THING THAT YOU DO.

I googled the word 'mumsy'....

Giving an impression of dull domesticitydowdy or unfashionable.

Bahaha! What a crock of shit, who writes this crap? There is absolutely nothing dull about me cleaning my house, I crank up the music and shake my butt while dusting to Beyonce. And isn't dowdy a word that died in the early 1900's? As for unfashionable... nobody has the right to label anyone unfashionable, just because you like your black dungarees, doesn't mean everyone else who has a vagina and a baby does too. I think it's time we redefined the word...

Mumsy: Being a mum. Regardless of your opinions of household appliances or what Grazia are saying you should be wearing.

What this labelling does is make mums who like to use Pinterest or sing along to Frozen songs in their head feel like shit. We are all different and we are all mums. Let's stop bashing each other (I'm actually fucking repeating myself for the god knows what time this year) and just get on with our own lives. We are all cool because we are all doing the hardest job in the world, so let's just leave it at that.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Age Defying Double D's?

I have a love/hate relationship with make-up. My skin is super sensitive and I can never find a foundation that doesn't either look as though it's been shovelled on because it's really thick or one that just slides off my skin after an hour. I'm not quite at the stage where I'm confident to go out without make up on (I'm very... fair) for fear of looking dead, the struggle is REAL.

I've tried BB cream and could never find one that my skin liked and then CC cream and that just didn't work for me. Colour correcting my butt! When I heard that Green People were bringing out a tinted DD moisturiser, I rolled my eyes. Another joke. But after giving up with my most recent foundation purchase, I was ready to try anything.

I've always been a huge fan of Green People products. We're a very sensitive-skinned family so we don't just put any old crap on our bodies and always aim for natural and organic where possible. I knew this new wonder product would be good on my skin because I've never been able to find fault in Green People and as soon as I opened the sachet and applied it to my face, I was immediately surprised.

DD stands for daily defence (and perhaps your cup size too if you're in the big boobie club) and is an anti-ageing product (BIG FAN). The solution stimulates cell renewal, reduces age spots and moisturises the skin (winning). It contains natural SPF15 protection (if you read any beauty blogs you'll know this is very important) AND colour correction. It glided onto my skin, giving an even tone (YES, FINALLY!) and covered up the red patch on my nose (damn you winter).

I spent about thirty means dicking about trying to find some natural light on a miserable day and just as I was about to give up, the sun came out. Not the best photography but you can just about see a glow to my skin (ignore the unruly eyebrows and semi-wet hair). 

You know I'm a no-bullshit kinda gal and I won't just sing the praises of something if I don't genuinely LOVE something. Well I GENUINELY love this product. It went on evenly and I didn't even need that much. I didn't expect to be bowled over by a DD cream, that's for sure. I can happily say I'd leave the house in just that, I wouldn't really need anything else on (my face). Thank you, Green People, for getting something so right (again)... you've made my week and my make up bag.

I'd recommend this to everyone. If you're looking for something with good coverage that doesn't look as though it's been caked on and is gentle on your skin... this will do the job. 

(Fair skinned ladies like me, you'll need the light version although you're given the choice to select both colours in sample size to try if you aren't sure)

Age Defy+ Tinted DD Moisturiser is made without petrochemicals, methylisothiazolinone, methylchloroisothiazolinone, synthetic colourants and preservatives to bring you the purest DD cream that nature can offer.

You can find out more about the Age Defy+ collection here.

I was sent a sample of the Green People Tinted DD moisturiser to review and as always all opinions are my own. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Mummy takes a time out.

We don't use the naughty step or time out in this house. That's not to say we haven't tried it, it just didn't work for us. But I'll tell you who it does work for... me.

Today I called in sick. I work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and every single day of the year. Like all mums. I haven't taken a sick day in the almost four years I've worked for my daughter and I haven't taken annual leave either, that's not to say I haven't wanted to. Often.

When you're running on not a lot of sleep, sleep that might seem to your partner as long 11-7(ish) when in actual fact is pretty much nothing when it's disturbed the whole time (the sleep I get), you slowly (dripping tap slowly) start to lose your mind. And when you start to lose your mind at one of the most depressing times of the year, you're heading for a meltdown. Three year old style.

Last night was hard, I was tired(!) and she spent the night coughing and snotting everywhere. At twenty to three she woke up and so we went and ran the shower for a while to help clear her nose. And then she didn't want to go back to sleep because according to her, it was morning. So the whining (her) and shouting (me) continued until five twenty when she decided that actually, she was tired. Until six thirty when my husband took her downstairs. I slept on and off until half eight and then decided that I was going to follow through with my 4am threats to him, I was having a day off.

I got up, showered and dressed and went out wearing pink lipstick because last week I wore it and had a really good day (I'd like to think it was the lipstick that did that). Not bothered that Tuesday's are busy and important in his world because My world was about to explode. I could sit here and write a 3000 word essay on how he simply cannot begin to understand just how I feel but a friend pointed out I couldn't possibly understand how hard it is for him either. She has a point.

What I did this morning was remove myself from a situation I could feel turning unsavoury. It could've gone two ways: I was either going to pack a bag and leave or a have a really messy meltdown that wouldn't have been that nice to watch. I'm glad I took some time out, I went shopping and met a friend and laughed and forgot about the shitstorm that was heading my way. Then I felt relief. Because we are all going through this, together. Every other mother has felt this way at some point. It's part of being a parent.

And then I got home after four hours and that horrible knot in the bottom of my stomach came back. The dread of getting through another night without drowning myself in a bath of vodka. So I gritted my teeth, locked myself in the bathroom for half an hour and cried until I didn't want to scream anymore and now it's time to carry on as usual. Dinner, bath, bed. Because tomorrow is another day.

Except tomorrow I'll be wearing a new pink lipstick.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Pounding Flowers

It doesn't sound so nice, does it? But it's actually a great way to make pretty pictures out of flowers that are about to get chucked out or ones you picked on your walk. And it's a fab activity for kids.

I came across this idea in a fab book called Tinkerlab: A Hands-On Guide For Little Inventors and it's full of experiments to help nurture creative thinking. 

You need a selection of flowers, some waxed paper, some watercolour paper and a big stone (she used her wooden toy hammer).

It's pretty simple... let your little one arrange the flowers on the watercolour paper, cover with waxed paper and bash away. Peel back the waxed paper and flowers to reveal their work of art!

It probably doesn't look much to you but she was super happy with it. And I'm going to frame it. Next time we'll go rambling to find a better selection of flowers.

A great idea for Mother's Day pictures and general spring-y crafts. Spring, oh spring... hurry up!

Sunday, December 28, 2014


MEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (that's supposed to resemble a foghorn) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT, IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT... you have two weeks left to submit your child's school application.

Fuck. How did we get here?

Before I even needed to think about schools for my daughter, I said to my husband "I won't be one of these psycho mums who moves house just to get into the best school, I won't frantically read through ofsted reports everyday in the run up to the deadline, I won't turn crazy... I won't" PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got crazy.

There are two schools I'd be happy for her to go to. And another that I would love for her to go to. One of these we haven't viewed and I KNOW, you're all like WHAT THE FUCK?! I know. Thing is, we don't live anywhere near these schools and because I've been changing my mind every twelve seconds about when we are going move to the area the schools are in, I've kinda messed up and left us zero time to view the one we haven't seen yet. It's not the end of the world, I know. It's a great school (according to their website) and I got a good feeling from their website and I KNOW that's not the same as us viewing it and getting the same feeling but like I said, I messed up.

Anyway... I said I wouldn't get crazy. Every time I try to talk to my husband about it, he glazes over which is a great help. I think he's tired of neurotic mum who is now obsessed by this whole process (I've even read up about the role of parent governors, brainstormed ideas for the PTA fundraising events and planned what talks I'll do in the school... see... CUCKOO). I've befriended (kind of) the head of one school and can see us sitting down for coffee in her office and her asking me to come in and teach art. So basically I work there now. In my head.

It isn't just me, is it? Oh god, it is.

I want to be relaxed about the whole thing but I just have the most awful memories of school. I hated it. And I really don't want that for her. I'm sure it won't be the same (providing we get one of our three choices, which I'm pretty sure we will... OH GOD DID I JINX IT?), it's just hard. Nursery turned out to be such a traumatic time for her (she's still getting over it) and it's scarred me.

But there are always cash bribes, right?!

Cuckoo, cuckoo.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

A Post About The New Year

Because it's standard.

This past year has been a lot shit and a bit good. I'm still alive and so is my child so obviously I'm doing something right. I feel blessed, that much is true.

I won't bore you with the shit that went down this year, go read my other (old) blog for that, plus... it's history. I don't want to dwell on all the bad stuff. As the New Year approaches I've been thinking about the things I'd like to achieve as I am hurtling towards 30 (yes, I'm still a baby, blah blah blah). Everything is magnified, every decision, every thought (although that could well be down to my exhausting anxiety that just keeps coming back and punching me in the face to remind me that it's there). I have some MAJOR life decisions to make (that's right, M A J O R) as well as changes and the usual crap we promise ourselves just before the clock strikes 1st January (gym, diet, etc).

Where am I going with this post? Er... ah! I read something someone shared on Facebook - 15 ways to be happier in 2015 and something stood out so hard, I didn't actually need to put my glasses on to read it (I have major 'scowl' lines as my husband calls them, I beg to differ... they are actually SQUINT lines mother fucker) and it went something like this:


And I'm mighty good at that, making excuses. I'm lame, I have all the excuses. But especially good ones for not doing what I've always wanted to do. And at the start of a year I promise myself the same thing... Stop worrying about upsetting other people with the decisions you make, be more selfish, do what you want to do... all of that baloney. Except baloney it ain't because at the end of that year I kick myself for having made a hundred excuses for not doing what I said I wanted to do.

So, CHARLOTTE, just fucking do it (soz, Nike). Do that thing you've been droning on about for so long, just cut the crap and do it.

You too though, yeah?

The anxious little prick that sits on my left shoulder is telling me not to post this because I'll die in my sleep tonight or at least die before the start of the New Year. "But don't leave it in your drafts either because you'll die and someone will find it and it'll be such a waste". What a horrible little shit. A small peak inside my deranged mind right there - don't say I never treat you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


MAD LIFE sounds about right for 'Mum & Dad life', also an events and communication company set up by megababe mums Kirsti and Emi. They bring all the good shizz to the table for busy parents in the form of events, campaigns and digital communications.

They've also just made their first short film about becoming a parent, but an honest version. No rose-tinting, no bullshit. Because this is what these ladies are about.


For more information about MAD LIFE and to find out about any upcoming events go check them out here.